Don't you mess with a little girl's dream

Congratulations! You've just won the lottery (EM Jan Topic)

2008-01-20T00:36:40Z

If I won the lottery I'd probably load up on a lot of weapons. My main goal would still be the same, tracking down and killing the son of a bitch who's been terrorizing Gabe and Sam and Emily. The yellow eyed demon had been on my radar for a long time before I met Gabe but you could say that I've become borderline obsessive since then. And don't judge me, nobody is gonna get that except for maybe Dean. So that's what I would do, I would use the money to try and step up my game with the demon. Hell, I'll build my own fucking army if that's what I have to do.

After the demon is dead I'd use the rest of the money to buy a house and take a little vacation from demon hunting. I think that will always be a part of my life but I know that eventually Gabe is gonna want to settle it down and maybe start a family. I know it's weird but I kind of think that might be nice. I bet we'd be good parents.

Got this way, upfront but never true (EM December Topic)

2007-12-08T23:02:57Z

"I don't even know you." The sullen sixteen year old pointed out from the passenger seat of a car that had to be older than dirt. "You don't know me."

"That's true." Matt Warner replied easily as he fiddled around with the radio station as the two sat in downtown Brooklyn traffic.

"Okay. So what's the deal? You lookin' for a little side dish or something?" Rachel asked.

"What? No, Rachel. You really don't get it. I know what happened to you. I know all about the demons and your father and his gambling debts. I know why you robbed that store and I'm giving you a way out."

Rachel quirked an eyebrow in Matt's direction. If there was one thing that she had learned in the last sixteen years it was that nobody was to be trusted, not even her own parents. Nobody wanted to help anyone else out, they all just wanted to use each other, push each other down until there was nothing left. Rachel hadn't trusted Matt since the moment she saw him, not even long enough to be grateful that he had bailed her out of the city jail. At least the jail was warm and they served you three regular meals everyday. No one bothered Rachel there and she didn't bother anyone else.

"How?" Was her only response, finding herself unable to ask any questions beyond that.

"Three years ago I was one of New York's finest. That was when a case showed up on my desk that didn't really make any sense. Reports of kids being taken right from their bedrooms here in the city. They returned home in a few days and within a week their parents were dead." He snickered a little bit but not because anything he was saying was funny. "Long story short, I found out there's another whole world in New York. NYPD didn't really see things my way though. They said I was delusional."

"The kids? They were demons." Rachel muttered.

"Yeah. Eventually, they were. I just couldn't let it go and I've been keeping an eye on the things that are a little under the police department's radar since then. So that's how I know about you, Rachel. I came to help you because I think you can help me."

"Help you do what?" Rachel asked as she folded her arms over her chest and gave him a sour look.

"Help me kill them all."

Rachel liked the sound of that.

What we've got here is a failure to communicate (EM November Topic)

2007-12-01T19:49:48Z

I know, I have a problem with communication. No one ever lets me forget it. Matt used to drill it into my head and Gabe, well Gabe is different. We communicate on a whole different level. I don't necessarily say everything out loud and that's because of the way I grew up I guess. Although I still think it's just part of my personality. Not everything needs to be said outloud anyways. The worst sentence to ever escape out of anyone's mouth is "Can we talk?". No, we can't talk. I can go kill things and we can go our separate ways.

Gabe's abilities used to drive me crazy. At first I was just dragging him around with me everywhere I went to try and bait that yellow eyed bitch so I could kick his ass. And then after awhile he would just say outloud what I was thinking or sometimes he'd answer a question I hadn't asked outloud. I hated it. It was an invasion of privacy as far as I was concerned.

But after awhile I got used to it, at least that's what I tell him. In reality, after awhile I kind of liked it. Not many people can just tell what you're thinking and at least with Gabe he never demands that I start saying things outloud because he just knows.

So screw communication. Who needs it anyways?

Track #5 "Sorrow" muse_bsides

2007-10-20T23:02:53Z

Muse: Rachel Fuentes (OC)
Fandom: Supernatural
Artist: Flyleaf
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 781

Rachel doesn't know a lot about the world at five years old. Don't talk to strangers, My Little Ponies are really fun, Daddy drinks a lot and it makes Mommy cry. The world is simple for a five year old, there's toys and parents and kindergarten and the safe comforts of her small pink bedroom in the Bronx. She's spent the day learning how to write her name in the small urban public school that she goes to five days a week.

That's what she's doing now. Tracing her name over and over again as she listens to her parents argue in the living room. Their voices rising slowly over the echo of whatever telenovella is still playing on the small black and white television in the living room. One big loopy "R" in pencil before she moves on to the "a".

It's nothing new to her, she listens to her parents argue nearly every night. Usually the topics of argument were one of two things, money or alcohol. Both of which Jesus Fuentes has always had a problem with for the last six years since they moved to America, the land where all of their hopes and dreams were destined to come true. American turned beggars into millionaires, the television had said so. Jesus spun beautiful stories full of dreams and gold for his wife as they traveled to New York. Six years later and he's stopped telling the stories. Reality is hard, Rachel knows that even at five, even as she proudly loops a perfect "c" and "h" together.

There are move voices out in the living room as Rachel finishes tracing her entire first name. Eagerly she moves onto her last name but only gets "Fue" out before her mother begins screaming out in the living room. Rachel is used to the arguing and even the tears but screaming? This is new.

Curiosity begins to take hold of her as she walks slowly to her bedroom door. She can hear several heated voices now, and her mother is begging.

No ella. No ella.

Not her. Rachel frowns at that as she slowly turns the door handle and begins to push the door open before she hears another scream and the door is forced shut again from the outside. Quickly Rachel backtracks, stumbling over toys and clothing as she retreats towards her bed. Dropping to the floor she rolls under the bedframe and holds her breath as she watches her bedroom door slowly open.

Her mother is still screaming the sound of it chills Rachel to the bone as she watches from the shadows as several pairs of feet appear in her bedroom. She tries holding her breath, hoping that whatever is causing her mother to scream won't find her that way.

It doesn't work, within moments gnarled hands are latched around her arms and pulling her free from her hiding place. Now Rachel is screaming, trying to wrench herself free from strong arms that hold her in place. She's screaming for her father, for him to come and save him when he appears in the doorway and suddenly, even as a child she's struck silent by him. His cheeks are wet with tears and she marvels at it for a moment. Her father never cries.

So stunned by his silent tears that she's forgotten to fight. Instead she allows the monster that's pulled her from her hiding space to take her hand and gently tug her towards the door, past her father and out into the living room.

Lo siento. Lo siento.

Her father mutters as he holds her mother still, desperately trying to hold onto her as she keens in the living room. Rachel is puzzled but suddenly unafraid as the stranger pulls her through the living room. He doesn't look like other men, none of them do but Rachel knows all about racism. You're not supposed to judge other people by what they look like. What she doesn't understand is why her parents are crying.

Iré para usted.

Is the last thing she hears her father say as she's pulled out of the apartment. She can hear the echo of the door slamming shut, but her mother's muffled cries follow her all the way out onto the street.

Rachel knows she is supposed to be expecting this. Her mother had warned her that soon she would be staying with her Aunt Rosa while her mother tried to help Jesus with his drinking problem. These men don't look a thing like her aunt but she doesn't question them.

"Do you have toys?" She asks instead, tugging on his hand.

She doesn't understand it when they all begin laughing.

Ghost (EM October Topic)

2007-10-06T20:41:13Z

Ghosts? They're a piece of cake. A little rock salt, a little exoricms, a little burning some corpses. Ghosts are sometimes tricky at first cause you gotta figure out their motivation for doing things. Like you have this ghost who's only offing a bunch of stick figure blondes. Well, maybe his mom was Malibu Barbie and she really pissed him off before he died. There's all kinds of reasons for angry spirits to exist but in the end? You pretty much just burn their bones and call it a night.

Those ghosts are easy and when you blow out of town you can feel good about the job that you did while you were there. Because other people don't know how to deal with stuff like that. I'm good with those ghosts. It's the other kind of ghosts that I suck at dealing with a little more. Like the one that stares back at you through your father's eyes in the mirror. I try my best to ignore it but sometimes I still hear his voice, especially when I'm freaked out. Matt's voice followed me around for a long time too but I don't hear him as much anymore. I guess that means I'm finally over everything that went down in New York.

It bothers me that I never hear my mother, never see her looking back at me in the mirror. I look a lot more like my dad than I do her but still. She's a part of me somewhere. She's been dead for a really long time but I still wonder about her. I wonder if my dad ever wonders about her. Maybe she's too busy haunting him.

Now watch me rise up and leave all the ashes you made out of me (EM September Topic)

2007-09-08T19:19:23Z

I didn't grow up like normal people. I've probably said that before but I don't like to think about it too much. It's part of me, it's part of what makes me me. I think if I'd grown up like everyone else I wouldn't be carrying around a shotgun chasing after demons. I don't know what I would be. When I was four years old I wanted to be a ballerina so maybe that's what I would be right now. I know, you're laughing about that, I'm laughing too just trying to picture me up on stage in a fucking tutu.

None of that really matters because the what ifs didn't happen. The actuality of it was that I was underground for years. Twelve years exactly and everyday I learned a little bit more about them. They thought I was just a harmless little girl, that I couldn't ever be a threat to one of them but if you keep a harmless little girl in chains long enough and make her watch she learns a thing or two. And that's what I did, I watched them and I waited until I thought they would be vulnerable. I knew that one day they would let their guard down enough for an attack.

And just like I knew they would, they left themselves wide open to an assault. I was sixteen years old when I fought them and won, twelve years of living underground- slaving for them, whoring for them, providing them with whatever use they could find for a human child. I set their nest on fire and then I clawed my way above ground. It was night time, but I remember the moon that night. I remember it because it was the first time I'd seen it in over a decade.

Now every time I see the moon I think about that night.

Soundtrack for muse_bsides/eclecticmuses

2007-08-29T19:12:29Z

Artist: Flyleaf
Album: Flyleaf

1. I'm So Sick
2. Fully Alive
3. Perfect
4. Cassie
5. Sorrow
6. I'm Sorry
7. All Around Me
8. Red Sam
9. There For You
10. Breathe Today
11. So I Thought

I'm So Sick

I will break into your thoughts
With what's written on my heart
I will break, break

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

If you want more of this
We can push out, sell out, die out
So you'll shut up
And stay sleeping
With my screaming in your itching ears

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

Hear it, I'm screaming it
You're heeding to it now

Hear it! I'm screaming it!
You tremble at this sound

You sink into my clothes
And this invasion
Makes me feel
Worthless, hopeless, sick

I'm so sick,
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss,
Selfishness
I'm so sick
I'm so sick

I'm so sick
Infected with where I live
Let me live without this
Empty bliss, selfishness
I'm so
I'm so sick
I'm so
I'm so sick

Fully Alive

Telling Layla's story spoken
'Bout how all her bones are broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Two months in the cover creases

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

Perfect

sick of circling the same road
sick of bearing the guilt
so open the windows to cool off
and heat pours in instead

perfect in weakness
i'm only perfect in just your strength alone

all my efforts to clean me
leave me putrid and filthy
and how can you look at me
when i can't stand myself

i'm tired to be honest
i'm nobody

perfect in weakness
i'm only perfect in just your strength alone

perfect in weakness
i'm only running in just your strength alone

i tried to kill you
you tried to save me

you save me
you save me
you save me
you save me

perfect in weakness
i'm only perfect in just your strength alone

perfect in weakness
i'm only running in just your strength alone

Cassie

The question asked in order
To save her life or take it
The answer no to avoid death
The answer yes would make it
Make it

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

All heads are bowed in silence
To remember her last sentence
She answered him knowing what would happen
Her last words still hanging in the air
In the air

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Rachel pulled the trigger

How many will die
I will die
I, I will say yes

Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
Say yes to pull the trigger
Do you believe in God
Written on the bullet
And Cassie pulled the trigger

(Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God (Do you believe)
Do you believe in God
And I will pull the trigger

Sorrow

Sometimes life seems too quiet
Into paralyzing silence
Like the moonless dark
Meant to make me strong

Familiar breath of my old lies
Changed the color in my eyes
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me

Left alone with only reflections of the memory
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me
Sitting closer than my pain
He knew each tear before it came
Soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by

Sorrow last through this night
I'll take this piece of You
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As You flew right through me

And we kiss each other one more time
And sing this lie that's halfway mine
The sword is slicing through the question
So I won't be fooled by his angel light

Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you
And hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me
And up into the stars

Joy will come

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
I don't mean to remember
It's true that I dream less often
I'm not ashamed
Of that long December
Your hand's coming down again

I close my eyes and brace myself
I only noticed your face
No matter what you're gonna build my shell
No matter what you're gonna build my shell

I'm falling (falling)
I'm shedding my skin (my skin)
But it's not time I'm told
I am aware (am aware)
Of what you mean by then
I'm only ten years old

Close my eyes and brace myself
Only noticed your face
No matter what you're gonna build my shell
No matter what you're gonna build my shell

My scars are yours today
This story ends so good
I love you and I understand
That you stood where I stood

Close my eyes and brace myself
I only noticed your face
No matter what you're gonna break my shell
No matter what you're gonna break my shell

I'm done healing
I'm done healing

All Around Me

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you

I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

Red Sam

Here I stand
Empty hands
Wishing my wrists were bleeding
To stop the pain from the beatings

There you stood
Holding me
Waiting for me to notice you

But who are you
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

The warmth of your embrace
Melts my frostbitten spirit
You speak the truth and I hear it
The words are I love you
And I have to believe in you

But who are you
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

My hands are open
And you are filling them
Hands in the air
In the air, in the air, in the air

And I worship
And I worship
And I worship
And I worship

You are the truth (you are the truth)
Outscreaming these lies
You are the truth (you are the truth)
Saving my life

There For You

Sometimes I'm selfish fake
You're always a true friend
I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
In your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you

Breathe Today

You try your hardest to perfect your explanations...
You lie until they've run out of questions

You can only move as fast as,
Who's in front of you,
And if you assume,
Just like them,
What good will it do,
So find out for yourself
So your ignorance,
Will stop bleeding through.

Only one thing
Big enough to fill the void thats inside of you
It's just a breath away.
You can breathe today

So many lies swirling,
All around you,
You're suffocating,
The empty shape in you,
Steals your breath,
You're suffocating.

Logic forces me to believe in this,
And I have learned to see,
And I can only say what I've seen and heard,
And only you can choose,
And every choice you make will effect you,
Suit your own self.

You can breathe today

[x2]
So many lies swirling,
All around you,
You're suffocating,
The empty shape in you,
Steals your breath,
You're suffocating.

Breathe!!!

Big enough to fill the void that's inside of you,
It's just a breath away.

[x2]
So many lies swirling,
All around you,
You're suffocating,
The empty shape in you,
Steals your breath,
You're suffocating.

So many lies swirling,
All around you,
You're suffocating,
The empty shape in you,
Steals your breath (breath!),

So many lies swirling,
All around you (breath!),
You're suffocating,
The empty shape in you,

Breathe today.

So I Thought

All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning us to life
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because
so long I was
So in love with you
So I thought

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it

On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume
Myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods
You learn to much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies
About the times

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it

The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it

Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it

[guitar solo]

Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between
Chorus Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, healing

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

Forget your running, I will find you (EM August Topic)

2007-08-05T01:52:48Z

She's tries so hard to shake it, all of the anger and fear wrapped up in Gabe's possession. She doesn't fear Gabe or even what he could have or would have done. The only thing she's afraid of in the whole world is a monster with brilliant yellow eyes who crawls into the minds of "his children". That doesn't work for Rachel, Gabe is her's and she's never been very good at sharing. There's never been anything so strong that within a few confrontations she wasn't able to beat it. Even as a kid she spent years studying her captors and planning how to take them all out, only waiting until she was old enough and strong enough to do so.

She lacks the patience she once had as a child and now the only thing she's bloodthirsty for is revenge. She knocks over bars and old houses, searches for spooks in cemeteries and monsters under the bed. She's turned cities inside out looking for the demon who is hell bent on making Gabe, Sam and Emily is his own. Rachel's not letting him have them, not on her watch, not ever.

"You're gonna have to kill me first." She mutters as she makes her way through another bar, another cold trail, another dead end. She's being damn near reckless and she knows it but she can't help it. Gabe won't even look her in the eye anymore and the weight that had once tied her firmly to the human race is gone. Instead she's back in the shoes of who she once was. A monster killer. A monster. Killer.

She knows that it's a weakness, the heart that beats beneath her chest, the way she feels. It will get her killed one day. But she doesn't care, as long as she takes the demon down with her.

Hell this way (EM July Topic)

2007-07-15T03:52:21Z

Rachel has never seen anything that looks like Centralia before. She's heard it tossed around before, so casually ever since she was old enough to go to church. Her parents might have been immigrants who barely spoke the language when they first arrived but they were also Catholic. Some of Rachel's earliest memories are surrounded by tales of fire and brimstone. Hell. The beasts she fights for a living are supposedly from there, and she sends them back with her shotgun.

For all the talk of it Rachel has never been sure that a true hell exists. She's never really thought about it too hard until she started to pass over the cracked roadways with steam rising steadily from the pavement due to the coal fire beneath the earth. She's never seen an act of God, but for the first time she might have been presented with enough evidence to prove that there is a hell.

EM June Topic

2007-06-23T03:34:09Z

"All men are brothers, like the seas throughout the world; So why do winds and waves clash so fiercely everywhere?" - Emperor Hirohito

This sounds weird, but I get demons, I do. They make sense to me. They don't give a crap about people, and they usually don't even give a crap about each other. They're evil which makes things black and white for me. See the evil thing. Shoot the evil thing. Wash, rinse and repeat. That works in my head, but people? Man, I never understand people. Once Gabe and I were on a hunt and it turned out this guy was raising spirits to kill off his own daughter. He had his own deranged reasons for wanting her offed and maybe I was a little hard on the guy cause I got a little more personally invested in that situation than I should have, but what the hell? What reason is good enough for killing your own kid? I don't have kids of my own, I doubt I ever will. Who really wants to bring kids into a world as fucked up as this one? But if I did have kids? I'd never hurt them, or let anyone else hurt them. That's the point, right? You're supposed to take care of each other.

If the world was made out of marshmallow and everybody was good then maybe everybody would take care of each other. The world isn't made out of marshmallow and most people don't care about anyone but themselves. Fine. I can get down with an equation like that. Not that I'm gonna start shooting people, but if I could believe that all people were essentially evil self-serving bastards than at least I'd have a formula. Unfortunately, there's people like Gabe in the world and the few other people I've met along the way who actually do care about other people, who wanna do good things. So what am I supposed to do with that? How can I believe that everyone is out to screw me if there's a few people who aren't?

I think someone should be in charge of supplying signs, or stamps, or hell, t-shirts that tell you whether someone is a good person or a bad person. That would probably make things way too easy though.

Home (FM June Topic)

2007-06-17T22:58:05Z

I don't really believe in home. You can probably say that's my upbringing speaking. My first home I lived with my parents until I was four, after that I lived with a nest of demons and I would definitely not refer to that as home. After that there was when I was sharing an apartment with Matt. I guess you could call that the only place I've ever made a home. But home is supposed to be your's, it's supposed to be comfortable and by the time I left New York that apartment wasn't comfortable at all. After that I had a shitty beat up truck that I was driving around for awhile until I ran into Gabe. He's got a thing for classic cars and for reading peoples' minds, so a killing in Vegas equaled a nice classic car.

We spend a lot of time in run down motel rooms. It's just the nature of the job. While I'm out taking care of business Gabe is running his game and scamming the local people out of their cash. Some people would probably say that's wrong or whatever but I figure I'm performing a service and I'm not getting paid for it. Girl's gotta eat. Either way? I wouldn't consider those motel rooms home by any stretch of the imagination.

If anything could be considered home, it would have to be Gabe's car. He usually drives so I sit in the passenger seat. Sometimes if we're on a long drive I'll lean back and prop my feet up on the window and sleep in the sun. Every once in awhile he actually lets me drive. I spend more time there than anywhere else and if home is supposed to be where you're comfortable, it would have to be that car.

Fix You (EM May)

2007-05-04T00:36:54Z

I don't give myself a lot of time to think about things. Like when Matt was stupid enough to get himself tangled up with a nest of vampires and one of them finally turned him. He thought because of the way I felt about him that I would be helpless to do nothing but let him destroy me and everything else around us. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a robot, I still feel things and seeing him like that was one of the hardest things of my entire life. Killing him, wasn't nearly as hard. Because by then my brain had shut off and I was in hunting mode. Don't think, just act.

I've never really had to deal with anything like that since. I'm not a teenager anymore and I'm almost positive that Gabe would never do something as stupid as Matt did. Which is a little funny since Matt was ten years my senior and the seasoned demon hunter out of the two of us. Gabe is, well none of those things but I trust him.

Now that he's possessed I don't know what to think about it. Is it gonna be Matt all over again? He was possessed once before but it didn't last long enough for him to take hostages or for me to even be aware of it until it was over.

I'm on auto pilot now, following Bacon, the Doc and the Winchester boys all around Centralia. Don't think, just act. But if it comes right down to it? I'm not sure I'll be strong enough to kill another person that I love. I can't give up on Gabe, I have to find a way to fix him.

Romance (FM May)

2007-05-02T20:44:37Z

I didn't really understand romance when I was a teenager. It took me a really long time (and a lot of movies) to understand what it really meant. At sixteen years old, as far as I was concerned nobody gave anything unless they wanted something from you. I'm not sure that I was a hundred percent wrong back then but I definitely wasn't a hundred percent right either.

It's weird, but I really do think I learned almost everything I know about people from TV. I never used to watch a lot of it until I met Gabe and then everytime I would mention having not seen something he would go and rent it on DVD and keep me in the motel room until we were done watching it. I know that TV isn't real but it's not like I have any other basis for comparison. There's my parents, who I barely remember. I don't know, maybe they were sweet to each other, maybe they really loved each other when I was a kid. Then there's Matt, who was stupid enough to get himself killed. Neither one of them taught me anything about romance.

Gabe likes that stuff. Always telling me that I'm pretty, and occasionally bringing me home flowers. Even though we don't live normal lives he still tries hard to work all of that romance junk in too. It's nice.

Who ya gonna call? (April prompt fandom_muses)

2007-04-15T22:43:17Z

Gabe kinds thinks it's his own personal mission to educate me in the ways of pop culture. You have no idea how many old songs and movies and television shows I end up getting subjected to. Back to the Future, The Simpsons, Fraggle Rock, the list goes on and on. I think the one movie that always stood out above the rest though was Ghostbusters. Yeah, it was a cheesy 80's spoof about professors in "parapsychology" who needed to make a buck but they were the idiotic and badly dressed version of what I do.

The job will wear you out if you let it, seen it happen more than once. And we all got our own reasons for going into the line of work we that we do. Maybe it started out as revenge when I was just a kid but now it was just part of who I was and I kinda liked it. Now that I traveled with Gabe everywhere it wasn't as lonely as it was before. Just the two of us heading from town to town taking out the trash. Most people didn't even know what the two of us did and definitely couldn't do it themselves.

We're the new Ghostbusters. We may not be understood and we might be crazy but we get the job done. Let's just hope that I won't ever have to fight a giant marshmallow monster. Not sure the rocksalt would really work on that.

Haunted House (EM April Topic)

2007-04-01T01:46:37Z

I opened my eyes when I felt something cold against my chest. Coughed a little bit before I really focused on the guy who was standing right over me. Instantly I swung out at him, and he backed away really quickly just missing my fist as I sat up in bed and finally realized where I was.

"It's okay. You're in the hospital." He said to me as he held his hands up in mock surrender, still not coming any closer to me.

"This is a hospital." I finally said as I finally settled my eyes on the white walls and bright lights and wall mounted television. I groaned a little bit because if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a hospital. I usually managed to stay out of them. Ending up in one generally means that you just lost, and losing always sucked.

Sighing I sank back into the bed and just looked up at him. "Yes. I'm Dr. Bradford, you were admitted here last night through the emergency room. Someone dropped you off right outside. Do you remember what happened last night?"

Unfortunately. It was all starting to come back to me now. I'd been working a routine haunting that I thought would be a piece of cake to take care of. Creepy old house, rock salt in the shotgun and a real good idea where that body was buried .

"I think I got hit by a car." I said to Doc cause as usual I had to make up another line or lie. Nobody else in the world could really handle the truth. Funny how that worked out, people were so fucking blind and it never ceased to amaze me.

Doc just nodded and made some notes on a chart that I couldn't see. "You were admitted as a Jane Doe because we couldn't ID you. What's your name?"

"Maria." I muttered listlessly. "Maria Yepez. Look, I feel fine. Can I get out of here now? I can make a call and get you my insurance numbers." Fake insurance numbers. I wasn't sure how Gabe always managed to scam us stuff like health insurance but I wasn't going to argue with it. It's not like we can hold regular jobs or afford things like insurance, but we were doing the rest of the lousy world a favor anyways.

"I'm afraid you suffered some head trauma, you won't be able to just walk out of here I'm afraid, Ms. Yepez." He informed me and I breathed out another sigh.

"Fine. Call Gabe. You have my cellphone so call him and tell him where I am."

Doc told one of the other doctors standing near the door to call Gabe on my cellphone and I let him keep poking and prodding me for a minute as I glared up at him. "You have a fractured rib and a concussion but your vitals are steady and I think you'll be just fine to go home tomorrow."

I nodded at him, thinking back to what had happened before. It should have been an easy case but instead the demon, the one after Gabe showed up and started making his threats. I should have been faster, I don't know. Even the rocksalt didn't seem to help but it never did with him. Instead I hit my head on the wall and the next thing I knew the house was on fire. It was old and had been abandoned for so long that it instantly lit up. I didn't think I was gonna make it out. How did I get out of there?

That's when I remembered the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Who the hell was that?

Shots of liquor (FM March Topic)

2007-03-04T22:09:33Z

The best part of a hunt is the little reprieve you have afterwards. I never really stop working but I try and take a little time off to enjoy Gabe and just being alive for at least a night between jobs. Don't get me wrong, I fucking love killing demons. Someone's gotta do it and those bastards deserve to die, so it's not like I don't get a sense of satisfaction out of the job that I'm doing but sometimes it gets to you after awhile and you need to take a little break. Inevitably me and Gabe end up sitting at some redneck backwoods bar in the middle of nowhere and he buys us drinks with the money he's hustled from the good people of whatever town we've been in last.

Usually I tend to stick to beer but once in awhile Gabe manages to talk me into all kinds of drinks. We did tequila shots one night and I got so drunk we had to practically carry each other back to the motel we were staying in. I'm not a big time drinker but nothing tastes better than those celebratory drinks at the end of a hunt.

There's No Turning Back eclecticmuses

2007-03-03T03:50:18Z

"Evil brings men together." -Aristotle

Didn't know what to make of the Winchester boy but to tell the truth? I didn't really give a crap. Don't get me wrong, I was glad Ellen sent a couple of hunters down here to help me out considering that there needed to be four of us here to get the job done but that didn't make them my problem. Sam and Emily? Not my problem. Dean? Definitely not my problem. My only concern was getting Gabe and getting the hell out of here in one piece. We stay on the move and that's how we avoid the demon. Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna kill that bitch one day but until then? We lay low.

I knocked on the front door and waited a few minutes, until I heard footsteps approaching. After a minute the door swung open and I was standing face to face with an unkempt man who was probably only a couple of years older than I was. His hair was rumpled and he was wearing a ratty terrycloth bathrobe as he looked at me through wire rimmed glass.

"Can I help you?" He finally asked me.

"Yeah." I nodded as I pulled my gun out and leveled it at his head. "Get out."

His eyes widened at me and he took a step backwards before he finally snapped into action. Jolting forward he brushed past me and went running across the lawn in his bathrobe. I almost chuckled a little bit at that but I had a job to do and well, I take it seriously. Kicking open the door wider I looked around a little bit before I finally walked in and slammed the door shut behind me.

"Alright you son of a bitch." I muttered as I headed upstairs into the master bedroom. "Let's do this." With that I started pouring gasoline all over the bed and the drapes leading a trail of it out into the hallway.

Suddenly I saw something like a blur out of the corner of my eye and I turned sharply with my gun drawn but didn't see anything. Breathing hard I shook my head and swallowed hard. I knew it was gonna come back and fuck with me eventually, I just hadn't exactly been looking forward to it. I continued pouring gasoline all over the bedrooms, and all the way down the stairs. I was in the living room when I felt the cold shiver run down my spine and I glanced up just in time to see crawling along the ceiling. It was like a pale ....person crawling on the ceiling. Only they were crawling backwards like in that stupid movie Gabe made me watch one night. The Exorcist I think. Without thinking I raised my weapon and fired off a couple of rounds at it but nothing happened.

Cursing under my breath I followed it into a small office but I didn't see it anywhere. Shaking my head I kept pouring the gasoline all over the room. There was something about the office that was creeping me out but I tried to ignore it. I kept getting drawn back to the closet though, every time I passed it, it would catch my attention again. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore so I pulled it open and wasn't all that surprised to see a dead body fall right out onto the floor at my feet. Huh. This guy wasn't as lucky as his roommate that I'd managed to scare off. Turning around I pulled the matches out of my pocket when a figure in the doorway took me off balance for a minute and I gasped.

"Rachel," She taunted me, the same figure that had been crawling on the ceiling. "You can't save him. Couldn't save Mommy, couldn't save Matt, couldn't save Daddy. They've all gone away."

I narrowed my eyes at it and fired another shot right into her chest but it went right through her. Damn spirits.

"You can't save your house." I smirked at her as I tossed the gas can to the floor so the rest of it spilled out.

"They're here, they see you. Spent so long around them, now you're one of them. No better than the things you hunt."

"I'm not afraid of you, bitch." I practically spat out at her.

"Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel." Her voice was haunting and it almost sucked me right in, drawn into those black eyes but I knew that maybe she was right. Because that shit doesn't work on me, I was a little too much like them.

"Feel this." I said to her as I struck the match and sent my boot crashing through the window at the same time. I dropped the match just as I hurdled my way through the broken glass and onto the grass below.

By the time I picked myself back up off the ground, the house was already ablaze.

Don't be long, I worry about you when you're gone

2007-02-25T08:28:12Z

When shit like this happens I tell Gabe to stay the hell away for a reason. It's not cause I'm trying to cut him out or anything, I'm just trying to keep him safe. Cause we all know what happens when he gets near a haunted house considering I met him while trying to pull his ass out of one. I'd been investigating a whole string of them in DC and I told him to stay in the motel but by the time I came back he was gone. What the hell? How was I supposed to keep track of him if he wouldn't let me keep track of him? Called his cellphone over and over again, left at least a dozen messages before I just got fed up with it and decided to go looking for him.

Washington DC. It was nice to be in a city again, we spend so much time mucking through podunk backwoods redneck country that I started to miss a place to just disappear in. I easily made my way through the touristy places, before heading for the bars and next came anywhere where anyone might gamble. I couldn't find him anywhere and I was starting to get really pissed off along with worried. If he was okay, I was gonna kill him. I'd seen nearly everything this town had to offer, or at least any of the parts Gabe might actually pay attention to and I couldn't find him anywhere. Didn't he know that I had angry spirits to deal with? How am I supposed to do that and worry about him at the same time?

I'd made it all way back to the motel when Gabe finally called me, from some payphone asking me to meet him at the Washington Monument. Apparently he'd been arrested for something but wouldn't tell me what. He was pretty vague on the phone so I really didn't have any choice but to suck it up and head back into the city. He wanted the Washington Monument which meant that he wanted to blend in, I just wasn't sure why. And what the hell was he arrested for? I had a lot of questions to ask but I was gonna have to be patient in the getting of answers, which was annoying but at least he was okay.

It was getting dark out when I made my way across the platform towards the water, making my way past the other tourists. Teenagers snickering and making the usual penis jokes and white bread looking middle aged couples taking pictures of their baby in front of the Washington Monument. I walked past them towards the panels explaining the history behind the monument where I saw Gabe staring out into the water.

"Gabe," I hissed out at him as I finally made my way over to him. "What's going on?" I asked as I put my hand on his arm to turn him around to look at me. There was something wrong, I just didn't know what.

What did you dream about last night? (fandom_muses)

2007-02-21T21:22:59Z

I had to claw my way out of the ground, just like I did the last time. My fingers grasping at dirt and mud and worms and sewage and a thousand other things that my stomach turn with the foul smell. But freedom? Freedom was worth the smell and the pain and the sludge so I kept climbing. Holding my breath like my life depended on it and by the time I reached the top and pulled myself up onto solid ground the New York rain was beating down so hard I thought it might wash me away. I look down, and I'm nothing but skin and bones and dirt. So fucking dirty. But I don't care, because I'm free.

I turn around and I'm staring into that massive fire I set, hands curled into two small fists at my sides as I watch the blaze and that's when I see it. They're like two yellow eyes staring at me from inside the flame and I can hear Gabe screaming all of a sudden. I scream his name but he just keeps yelling for help so I don't care about the fire anymore, I rush towards it. I can feel the flames starting to burn my hair, my skin and I can't see because my eyes are starting to tear up so bad. It doesn't stop me though and I keep calling out for Gabe but I can't keep going, so I fall over and then everything turns to black.

When I wake up I'm laying in my old bed at home, back at my parents' house in New York. My room still looks like a little girl's room. The doll collection sitting on top of my dresser, all of them staring at me accusingly. The one thing that's worth anything that my father hasn't sold yet.

"Usted desea lo que usted no puede tener." I can hear the deep baritone of my father's voice from the next room as I swing my legs over the side of the bed and pad silently out into the living room. I can see him now, sitting with his back to me in the chair.

"What can't I have?" I ask him curiously, quietly but I don't move any closer.

"Segundas ocasiones. Para tener lo que tienen otros."

"I can have a second chance!" I suddenly yelled at him. "I don't have to rot away and die for years like you did. You killed Mama when you sent me away. How can you even live with yourself?"

"No tengo que vivir con me más, muchacha del bebé. Él me mató, él le matará también. Usted no es un salvador, Gabe pertenece a él. Usted protege los lobos."

"Daddy?" I frown taking a brave step forward but I don't have to go that far because he turns around in his chair and he grins at me. But it's not his mouth that has me so firmly transfixed, it's the bright yellow of his eyes, just like that fire.

"You can't save him, Rachel." He says to me, this time in English and it's the last thing I hear before I wake up.

You specialize in something until one day you find it is specializing in you. - Arthur Miller- EM

2007-02-19T16:22:21Z

I know a lot about demons, you could call me something of an expert. Even if you discount the way I grew up, Matt taught me all of the things that a girl needs to hunt down the local uglies and give them a face full of rock salt. Cause it's not just about the hunt, although don't get me wrong, killing those sons of bitches is my favorite part of the job. You've got to do your homework or else you're going to end up dead. It's just a fact of the job, you know? You might be able to chop off the head of a Sunil demon and kill it but if you try that with a Nurer demon it'll just regenerate another one and kick your ass all over again. It helps to be prepared going into these things.

So yeah, you could call me an expert when it comes to demon. Obviously I don't know everything there is to know about demons and angry spirits but I know enough to get the job done and what I don't know I can usually research.

It all used to seem pretty cut and dry to me. Demons are bad, people are good, and even though I might not entirely agree with the second part of that statement punishing evil people isn't my job. I'll leave that to the cops, even if they seem to fuck that one up at every turn in my opinion. The point is I'm damn good at my job and I know it and part of that is staying under the radar, so they don't see me coming. I know all about the demons but they don't know anything about me.

At least, until Gabe turned up in my life. He was really just supposed to be another job, but when I went to pull him out of that haunted house and that demon showed up he knew more about me than my own mother ever did. Demons don't like me, why should they? But I've never had anyone peg all of my insecurities so quickly, because that demon knew me. Sometimes I wonder if it had expected me to show up, if I hadn't been a fun surprise like I was with the rest of his kind. It freaks me out to think about it still, the bad guy knowing that much about me. I faltered a little bit then but I got it together real quick, but what about the next time? I'm sure if it knew me then it really knows me now. What will it use against me the next time I run into it?

Guess I better be ready.

Best friend (Topic #42) fandom_muses

2007-01-07T22:47:12Z

I don't really make friends, mostly because I tend to never stick around long anywhere to get friendly with anyone. The only thing people are truly good at is getting themselves into trouble, not to mention the people around them in trouble. I attract enough trouble all on my own without bringing someone else into it, so I tend to shy away from social gatherings. Yeah, there's Gabe but he doesn't count since I don't exactly consider us friends, we're more than that.

My best friend? I bring him with me everywhere, and I have to say even though we never actually talk I communicate better with him than I've ever communicated with anyone in my life. I call him Winchester SX3. I didn't actually name him that's just the model number. For anyone who's missed the boat so far, the Winchester SX3 is a shotgun. Yes, I'm writing my best friend post about my favorite shotgun. So what? It's probably more reliable than your best friend.

I've had alot of guns over the years but the SX3 is always going to be my favorite. I'm a tough girl but I'm not exactly a heavyweight so the light alloy makes it easier to tote the SX3 around as opposed to some of the heavier models. It's also got a real tough finish so if I run out of ammo and have to just pistol whip someone with my shotgun I can do that without worrying too much about scratches and dings. And the fiber-optic front sight is so good you never even need a scope with it even if you're closing in on smaller targets.

So there you go, my best friend. Badass enough to take out the biggest demons and controlled enough to make those really tight shots. I can't think of a better best friend than that.

Topic #2 eclecticmuses

2007-01-07T21:33:44Z

Gabe was supposed to be a simple job for Rachel. If there's one thing she's learned in her days since New York, possibly even before is that she can't let herself get emotionally invested in whatever case she happens to be working on that week. It's not a surprise that shutting herself off isn't a hard task for Rachel. It's been pointed out to her on more than one occasion that her social skills leave much to be desired. It doesn't really bother her, she didn't grow up the way most normal people do and that makes her special in a number of ways. When she's the last one standing amidst piles of dust and bones and rotted demon flesh she doesn't regret the past, just acknowledges that it opened a deeper well of strength somewhere in her.

Rachel doesn't ordinarily let herself become invested in cases. It's the easy part of being able to relate to no one, not man nor beast. Some days she questions whether there even is a fundamental difference between men and demons. She doesn't let herself question it for too long or else the lines become blurred and she's stripped of the one thing she truly does believe in, her own higher purpose. She believes that she was put on the planet for one thing and one thing only. Taking out the garbage.

She knows that she should have never let Gabe in as much as she has. It's not entirely her fault, his gifts allow him to see parts of herself that she refuses to share with the rest of the world. Despite her near constant aggravation at this invasion of self, she can't help but feel the relief cloud her senses as well. It's a genuine feeling, one that she's sure Gabe picks up on and makes her constant threats almost pointless. He sees inside of her, and he doesn't run, he's not afraid or disgusted, he still wants to be with her.

Rachel's well-skilled in several areas but reading people is not one of them. Gabe feels her pain but unless he expresses his to her, she has no way of reaching him. She can't read his thoughts the way he can read her's, she can only guess based on suspicion. And in this way, she feels like she fails him in ways that he's not failed her. Long nights she spends watching him toss and turn, his sleep fitful and riddled with nightmares and still she has no way to reach him. The only thing she can do is keep him safe from something that she doesn't even understand.

Write a Letter (Topic #32)

2006-12-12T17:43:15Z

//locked//

Jesus Fuentes
806 E 166th St.
Bronx, NY 10456

Dear Dad,

I'll never understand what drives a man to do the things he does. Do you remember, Daddy? When I was a little girl and I would cry about the monsters in my closet. Do you remember that? How you'd chase them away and then wipe my tears before reading me back to sleep. You wouldn't leave my side until I felt safe again and you would always tell me the same thing everytime. Ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente. Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel. You wanted me to stop being scared. You probably think I've forgotten, I was so small then, but I remember. I remember too much.

Like I said, I'll never understand why men do the things that they do. I guess that's probably because I grew up with a clan of demons. Do you know what demons do to humans, Daddy? Do you know what they do to little girls? There are alot of things I don't understand, but I'll never understand why you sacrificed me and saved yourself. Didn't you love me? Didn't you love Mama? You killed us both that day, you never loved us at all, or maybe you just loved yourself more. Too much to pay for your own mistakes, instead we had to.

I think that you did pay for them eventually though. I might not know who you are anymore but I knew who you were. Before the gambling and the drinking you were a good man, you were a good father. Maybe it's the wishful thinking of a girl trying to hold onto old memories but I think you've paid. I don't think a day goes by when you don't think about me or Mama, or what you've done to us.

I grew up strong, Dad. You don't have to worry about me. I guess what I'm trying to say is even though I'll never understand it, I forgive you. The monsters in the closet are real now but I always remember what you told me. Repeated it countless times over and over again in my lifetime. Everytime I get scared I say it. Ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente. Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel.

I'm not scared anymore.

Love Always,

Rachel

Fuck Was I (eclecticmuses)

2006-12-12T16:47:19Z

//locked from Gabe and no, you can't read my mind you little bastard ;)//

I learned about love on television mostly. Granted, I can still remember my parents, the way they used to be before things got so bad but it's such a dim memory it barely even exists. My upbringing didn't leave alot of room for that sort of thing, mostly because my contact with other people was fairly limited. Every once in awhile I'd have a friend but then they'd die and I'd be alone again.

Matt was going to teach me about it. Not that it started like that obviously. When I met Matt I was just a kid, barely sixteen years old but over the years I grew up and we just started noticing eachother in brand new ways. I already loved him by then though. He'd taken me for no real reason and taught me how to survive in a world that I really didn't understand. I'd gotten myself into a shitload of trouble after my escape and I really just couldn't seem to figure anything out on my own.

Even though things ended badly he did teach me about it. He taught me that love isn't anything like how they show it on television. It can be nice, but in the same breath it can rip your heart out and throw it on the floor before stomping it into tiny broken bloody pieces.

Over the years I let myself get bitter. Most of the time I tried to distract myself from it by blaming it on Matt because he was the idiot that was stupid enough to get himself killed by some vampire slut. As the years went on I was too busy blaming myself, telling myself that I was just some little broken toy. That I just don't know how to love anything or worse yet, that nothing will ever love me. Broken. And when you're broken you build a wall around yourself so that nobody can get in.

Until you meet a guy who can get in. A guy who can not only get in and see all your deepest secrets but adores you in spite of them all, maybe even because of them all. Then again, that's what I used to think about Matt too. Not the telepathy part obviously, but the rest of it.

I don't know, maybe I am the idiot. Here we go again....

Jealousy (Topic #39)

2006-11-19T07:14:55Z

I'm pretty sure Gabe thinks I should be more jealous than I am. He acts like it should be a natural response to my life, but it's hard to be jealous of something that makes people ignorant. I try not to think about what my life would have been like if I'd grown up like normal people do. If I'd stayed at home with my parents, if I'd gone to school and had boyfriends and cars and first dates and television and fast food. I'm not really sure what I would be like now if I'd had any of those things but I'm almost positive it would involve me being the same as everyone else. Excuse me if I really don't take comfort in the thought of having no idea what's really hiding in the dark at night while I'm sleeping. Besides, if I was normal I most definitely wouldn't have a favorite shotgun. That would be weird.

I don't get jealous of normal people, because their lives don't look all that glamorous to me, just stupid. I mean, if Gabe didn't have voices in his head or whatever he would probably be in college somewhere fucking sorority girls and drinking cheap beer. Some things just happen for a reason.

Which isn't to say that I never get jealous. I try not to, but I've been jealous before, everybody gets jealous. Yeah, even me. Sometimes when Gabe is pulling a fast one he'll chat up some cute little blonde. He swears he's just flirting to get us what we need but I can't help it, it's my natural instinct to not trust anyone. The last guy I trusted turned out to be screwing a vampire, so maybe I have a few issues. It's been my experience that the only thing people are good for is hurting eachother.